Fucked Up Me; Fucked Up Life

Wow!
Is it just me or is everyone getting more insensitive of what they say to me?
Hmm.. Since so many of them usually say about the exact same thing about me, I dun think its them who's insensitive. They're just being truthful to me in harsh words. Everyday I get "Faris always late", "Faris always fails tests" and "Faris is so irresponsible"

One example, everyday, when I see Kanages and its my role as the Technical Director of the group to look after the video equipments, she would say, "OMG Faris! Pls pls PLS dun bring home the equipment! We need them tomorrow and I don't trust you!"

And another, my girlfriend. Always ignores me and ytd, they had the shoot. I was there though I didnt wanna be there in the first place. But I had to cuz I wanted to help my baby.. But once there, I was ignored the whole time! Instead, she was enjoying talking to Shuimin's cousin so much more than she talking to anyone of us. And when I say anyone of us, I not only mean her group members, nor the calefare, but also me. She was so happy toucing him, putting on make up on him, laughing and talking with him, when I talk to her, her facial expression freezes, she turned, look at me (sometimes wont even look at me) for a couple of seconds with a blank look, and turned away, joined another conversation with somone else (and when she started talking to Shuimin's cousin, her face instantly lights back up and laughter restored in her lungs). Just my luck.

Till today. there is this long list of names ppl call me. Its like my very own little blackbook.

- Stupid
- Slenger
- Irresponsible
- Unsupportive
- Annoying
- Babi
- Failure

(There are others but I cant remember what)

Surprisingly, but not so surprisingly, most of the above are by my own girlfriend. What great ppl do I have around me huh! So much for a happy life in Poly... Fuck my life!

The TRUCE Within Myself once The TRUTH was out

Half of me: No its not true. It never happened. Its not even possible! I know she'd never do that.. I just know it! She wouldn't do such a thing ever...

The other half of me: OMFG!!! WTF IS THIS BITCH TALKING ABOUT?!?! Maybe she's jk?
(At other end of the phone: ...Sob..sob..I didnt know what I was thinking! Sobs.. I'm so sorry..Sob sob...sob..)
Still the other half of me: Nah.. It's just a dirty joke.. No worries, I can hear her laughing away.. Silly girl.. HAHA!

~~~~~~ One Hour Later~~~~~~

Me: Alright, baby.. You rest too! Goodnight! I love you...
Her: Goodnight! I love you most! Muah Muah Muah!
Me: Muah! Muah! Muah! Bye..
Her: Bye... *Click!*BEEP---BEEP*

Me: WAH FUCKERS!!! I'M SO GONNA FUCKING KILL THEM!!! AND OMG!!! BABY!!! HOW COULD YOU!!! ALL THIS WHILE, ALL THIS WHILE...!!!! WTF!!! SONS OF BITCHES! HATE HATE HATE!! FUCK YOU! FUCK ALL OF YOU, BITCHASS!!! MOFO!! KNN!! CCB!! KEPALABUTOH KORANG NAK KENE JITAK UH SIAL!! FUCK MAN!!! FUCKING 7MONTHS!! AND I DIDNT KNOW THIS PART OF YOU. FUCK!! Damn, tired sia... Zzzzz...

~~~~~Next Morning~~~~~


YAWN!!
Me: Whoa! Last night!! O.O *Panic!
Me: Eh.. (Looks around) Oh! Just a dream.. Chey.. Its just a dream, just a dream, just a dream..


~~~~ Later That Day ~~~~~

(Walking to Waterfront with baby)

Me (In head): Why's she so nice to me today?? Omg, dun tell me last night was true! No no no.. It's just a dream... Just a dream, just a dream, just a dream...

~~~ Even Later That Day ~~~~

Her: ...Even my frens say she ugly lei..
Me: Your friends know her?!
Her: Yeah? We girls will talk about bitches we dun like..
Her: I have a classmate. My girl friends dun like her. She always talk a lot somemore she super ugly!
Her: Then my girls say "Eee! She so ugly! But Faris one that girl uglier!"
Me: They KNOW her? How?
Her: Facebook. I showed them her facebook.
Me: Ouh..
Her: See! Then you always defend her one! Sometimes I dun even know who is the girlfriend. Then text her oh so happy to help her luh! So annoying!
Me: (Stares at her...) Huh??

Blah blah blah
Blah blah blah
Blah blah blah

Me: Oh this is good! Really good! At least I know that last night was only just a dream, just a dream, just a dream.. Phewh!


~~~~~ A Few Days Later ~~~~~
(TODAY)

Me: I hate to do this, but I gotta accept the fact that she actually did it and lied to me all this time. But I dunno whats real and whats not about her anymore. Nothing makes sense now. I mean, the story or the "truth" she told me nights ago, they seem unrealistically real, but they have got some loopholes in them. I tried filling those holes with what she's been telling me all this time. But nothing fits in. But whatever man. Its her past. She's changed so much but I cant do anything now. It's all too late. So, fuck it. Suck it up, and live on, man Faris. Dumbass wimp! You love her but thats just the way she is. Just the way things are. So screw your fantasies and wake up to life!


Past few days, I wasn't really that good with people. I dunno why. I didnt realise it until one day, I texted Arielle out of anger. My baby was having a real difficult time for her own. Her VPDP group is the only group way behind time. Arielle still havent send the script she supposed to do. So I texted her smtg like "Is everything fucking okay?" And baby gotta kow about it after my work, the next day in school. And she asked me to apologise. After apologising to her, I realised I sent a quite rude text to Shannon also on our IDEAS project. And I apoplogised him too. Haiz...


I know that people know me as the "IDIOT", the "DUMB", the "Slenger", the "STUPID". Its cuz I'm so fucking blur, never fails to FAIL tests and exams... I'm also the only one to fail some papers, in the whole class. What a great image people have of me. I'm sick and tired. But I cant stop. Fucked up people all around me. I'm getting fucked up myself. I realise I dont even try to contain my anger for people these few days. Damn.

Smtg I did, which I was so proud of once, during the first few times I did it, is now a thing that I wouldn't wanna ever do with her again. At least, thats what I feel at this very moment. I still cant believe what she told me. I'm still numb to that fact. I know cuz I havent really lose my cool and burst out all the stuff she did in the past that still haunts her. Maybe tonight I'll finally burst? Or tomorrow? Or next month? Next year? Never? I really dunno man.. What have I got myself into? WTF have I got my fucking self into??

IT WAS ME!!! ALL ME! and I didn't know...

I know that the truth hurts,
And lies, worse
But even that, I can't take it anymore
And you laid me with gravels of truth
Of the lies you kept
Laced with hurt,
Burried my face in dirt
And heart leapt
Out from the deepest grave
Into the darkest pit
And down the chute of loneliness
And into oblivion
So here I go
Letting you go
Bidding you farewell
And waving you luck, prosperity and happiness
With your next love

Always another for her

You're great
No doubt
Prove lies all around you
I'm shrinking
And drifting
While you left
Searching
For another
But me
To replace the one
Who had feelings
That would make him
Move the earth
Just for you
But he wasn't
The one
You were looking for
He's short of everything
Everything you imagined him to be
And so you left
Searching
For another
But me

But also you stayed
Beats me why
The torture of being there
And thrown away
Stuck
He has nowhere to go
The early days
Where words were sweet
Quarrels were bleak
Tribulations were weak
And Love was all we needed
Just that Trust came with it

Now, you stay
But you hurt everyday
Willing to turn away
Here
In the core of two ends
The longer days
And also longer nights
Where words are poison
Quarrels are arson
Tribulations are jargon
And Love is bleak
And Trust followed with it
As easily as it came

So you left
Searching
For another
But me
&
Words are poison
Quarrels are arson
Tribulations are jargon
And Love is bleak
And trust followed with it
As easily as it came

Time to Say Goodbye

I just dont wanna waste another day

I'm trying to make things right

But you shove it in my face

And all those things you've done to me I cant erase

And I cant keep this inside

On the first day that I met you

I should have know to walk away

I should have told you you were crazy

And disappear without a trace

But instead I stood there waiting

Hoping you would come around

But you always found a way to let me down

After all the things I've done for you

You never tried to do the same

Its like you always play the victim

And I'm the one you always blame

When you need someone to save you

When you think you're going to drown

You just grab your arms around me and pull me down

It's time to say goodbye

(I just dont want to waste another day)

('Cause things will never be the same)

(You make me think I need to walk away)

It's time to say goodbye

Now I'm gone

Its too late

You cant fix your mistakes

I was trying to save you from you

So you scream

So you cry

I can see through your lies

You're just trying to change me

Somewhere in the distance

There's a place for me to go

I dont want you to hate me

But I think you need to know

You're weighing on my shoulders

And I'm sick of feeling down

So I guess it's time for me to say goodbye

Baby, All I Want Is For You To Be Happy

Baby, I may not know what I am doing
But one thing's for sure, I love you
And I just want you to be happy
My "bestfriend" is actually never my bestfriend
I treated her like a bestfriend
But she treats me like I'm any normal schoolmate of hers
I dont get to be with her everyday
She's never there for me most times
And she's obsessed with getting her life fucked up
I really tried to help her
But I not only got ignored,
But I get rejected, despised and she'll defend the guy or her life or whatever I was trying to help
She changed a lot
She just dont see my worth, unlike you
And you're all I need
Just promise me you wont ever leave
And this will all be fine
So baby, please, stop asking me to contact her
Let fate decide for me and my "bestfriend"

She HATES me!! WOO!! Love you too...

I pledge allegiance to Siti Iryana Bte Mohd
To save my arse
And to love and live again
...DOTS...

SHEENA!
IRYANA!
BABY!
WHATEVER!
:P

She rock my world!
Shake it up and down,
Swerve it left and right,
Turn it upside down,
And fuck right through it.
(My Life, not anything else.. :P)

I love my Girlfriend.
Its not the same though, but I still love her...
I guess...
But I'll love her more when she dont say, "I Hate You!"
HAHAHA!

Got nothing to pinch also pinch my cheek.
So hard somemore!
Bleugh!
MY GIRLFRIEND'S CRAZY!!!
AND I LOVE IT!!
:D:D:D
Cuz obviously, I'm CRAZY too... -.-