The TRUCE Within Myself once The TRUTH was out

Half of me: No its not true. It never happened. Its not even possible! I know she'd never do that.. I just know it! She wouldn't do such a thing ever...

The other half of me: OMFG!!! WTF IS THIS BITCH TALKING ABOUT?!?! Maybe she's jk?
(At other end of the phone: ...Sob..sob..I didnt know what I was thinking! Sobs.. I'm so sorry..Sob sob...sob..)
Still the other half of me: Nah.. It's just a dirty joke.. No worries, I can hear her laughing away.. Silly girl.. HAHA!

~~~~~~ One Hour Later~~~~~~

Me: Alright, baby.. You rest too! Goodnight! I love you...
Her: Goodnight! I love you most! Muah Muah Muah!
Me: Muah! Muah! Muah! Bye..
Her: Bye... *Click!*BEEP---BEEP*

Me: WAH FUCKERS!!! I'M SO GONNA FUCKING KILL THEM!!! AND OMG!!! BABY!!! HOW COULD YOU!!! ALL THIS WHILE, ALL THIS WHILE...!!!! WTF!!! SONS OF BITCHES! HATE HATE HATE!! FUCK YOU! FUCK ALL OF YOU, BITCHASS!!! MOFO!! KNN!! CCB!! KEPALABUTOH KORANG NAK KENE JITAK UH SIAL!! FUCK MAN!!! FUCKING 7MONTHS!! AND I DIDNT KNOW THIS PART OF YOU. FUCK!! Damn, tired sia... Zzzzz...

~~~~~Next Morning~~~~~


YAWN!!
Me: Whoa! Last night!! O.O *Panic!
Me: Eh.. (Looks around) Oh! Just a dream.. Chey.. Its just a dream, just a dream, just a dream..


~~~~ Later That Day ~~~~~

(Walking to Waterfront with baby)

Me (In head): Why's she so nice to me today?? Omg, dun tell me last night was true! No no no.. It's just a dream... Just a dream, just a dream, just a dream...

~~~ Even Later That Day ~~~~

Her: ...Even my frens say she ugly lei..
Me: Your friends know her?!
Her: Yeah? We girls will talk about bitches we dun like..
Her: I have a classmate. My girl friends dun like her. She always talk a lot somemore she super ugly!
Her: Then my girls say "Eee! She so ugly! But Faris one that girl uglier!"
Me: They KNOW her? How?
Her: Facebook. I showed them her facebook.
Me: Ouh..
Her: See! Then you always defend her one! Sometimes I dun even know who is the girlfriend. Then text her oh so happy to help her luh! So annoying!
Me: (Stares at her...) Huh??

Blah blah blah
Blah blah blah
Blah blah blah

Me: Oh this is good! Really good! At least I know that last night was only just a dream, just a dream, just a dream.. Phewh!


~~~~~ A Few Days Later ~~~~~
(TODAY)

Me: I hate to do this, but I gotta accept the fact that she actually did it and lied to me all this time. But I dunno whats real and whats not about her anymore. Nothing makes sense now. I mean, the story or the "truth" she told me nights ago, they seem unrealistically real, but they have got some loopholes in them. I tried filling those holes with what she's been telling me all this time. But nothing fits in. But whatever man. Its her past. She's changed so much but I cant do anything now. It's all too late. So, fuck it. Suck it up, and live on, man Faris. Dumbass wimp! You love her but thats just the way she is. Just the way things are. So screw your fantasies and wake up to life!


Past few days, I wasn't really that good with people. I dunno why. I didnt realise it until one day, I texted Arielle out of anger. My baby was having a real difficult time for her own. Her VPDP group is the only group way behind time. Arielle still havent send the script she supposed to do. So I texted her smtg like "Is everything fucking okay?" And baby gotta kow about it after my work, the next day in school. And she asked me to apologise. After apologising to her, I realised I sent a quite rude text to Shannon also on our IDEAS project. And I apoplogised him too. Haiz...


I know that people know me as the "IDIOT", the "DUMB", the "Slenger", the "STUPID". Its cuz I'm so fucking blur, never fails to FAIL tests and exams... I'm also the only one to fail some papers, in the whole class. What a great image people have of me. I'm sick and tired. But I cant stop. Fucked up people all around me. I'm getting fucked up myself. I realise I dont even try to contain my anger for people these few days. Damn.

Smtg I did, which I was so proud of once, during the first few times I did it, is now a thing that I wouldn't wanna ever do with her again. At least, thats what I feel at this very moment. I still cant believe what she told me. I'm still numb to that fact. I know cuz I havent really lose my cool and burst out all the stuff she did in the past that still haunts her. Maybe tonight I'll finally burst? Or tomorrow? Or next month? Next year? Never? I really dunno man.. What have I got myself into? WTF have I got my fucking self into??